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Date: 3/8/08
Time: 1:30 pm – 1:38pm
Duration: 8 min
Location: home toilet
Need: couldn’t have waited 5 min more
Hardness: medium
Bristol Stool Chart Type: 4
Consumed since last BM: chocolate cake, steak burrito, sun chips, gnocchi with mushroom sauce, 2 seasame bagels with butter, chocolate croissant, coffee, peppermint tea, Turkish apricots, banana, cheese, grapes, 4 Old Milwaukees, 1 Anchor Steam, salad with grapefruit dressing.
Description: Wow, this was a day and a half’s worth of massive consumption, all stored like a good little chipmunk for the winter, and then released with the fists of fury into my toilet. I had to poo last night, but then went and saw No Country for Old Men, and should’ve relieved myself then, being such a shitty movie as it was. Then got home and had to give my lady the banana, and there is nothing that kills the mood more than saying, hold on baby, I’d love to stick it in, but first I need to unload some fecal matter. So, being that I wasn’t going to shit my pants at that point, I chose weak sex over pooping. Sue me. But anyways, I held on and on, and never got the chance to release until now, and WOW, check it out. Have you ever seen so much mass? Look at the way it twists and turns, breaks and bends, hot damn, that is a poop.
Date: 3/3/08
Time: 5:56 – 5:59 pm
Duration: 3 min
Location: clean single work toilet
Need: just crusin by, thought I would lay a deuce
Hardness: airy soft
Bristol Stool Chart Type: 5
Consumed since last BM: Tomato & Corn Bisque with crackers, twix bar, coffee
Description: This is a very interesting poo, because it is my second poo of the day and it lends some scientific insight into the amount of time taken by my digestive system to absorb all necessary nutrients and spit out the remnants, corn kernels, blueberries and all, in fecal form. I took my first poo around 11:00am, shortly before lunch, and was in the unfortunate position as to be interrupted by the fellow stall pooper a few minutes in. I’d taken along a scientific paper (the perfect poo reader, by the way) as I’d anticipated a nice leisurely dookie dropping, no rushing, just letting the poo make its way out. But when I was interrupted, the situation quickly changed and I pushed, wiped and made my way out, barely getting through the abstract of my paper. Fast forward about 7 hours and a tomato and corn bisque soup into the future, and I found myself strolling by the single stall clean toilet, so I went in to drop one, and happened to have my camera with me. What to my surprise came out? Some of that tomato and corn bisque eaten just about 6 hours prior. Hot damn, a new minimum time of digestion time has been set for myself, and it wasn’t even diarrhea! Plenty of other particulate matter found in this poop too, as I could distinctly make out corn, blueberries, and pablano chilies, eaten from meals prior.
